A Workaholics Day Off

Most people think of alcohol or drugs when they think of addiction, others think of bad habits, I think of work. It’s hard to call it a negative but other people see it that way, so I suppose it’s about your perspective. 

Ever since I was a kid I couldn’t wait to get homework. Then once I got into school I couldn’t wait to get a job, and then I got two jobs! I couldn’t be stopped.

I have this mentality that needs activity, and unfortunately most people don’t understand what it’s like to look forward to work. I am not one of them. My brain is always moving through ideas, plans, daydreams, new plans, new ideas, etc.

I used to love to get ready to go to work and I worked hard waiting tables. After my shift I would have a drink at the end of a hard day, count my money and sleep soundly. Now, my job is moving data. How unrewarding when you have nothing to show for a hard days work. No exhaustion. No satisfied customers. Nope just day after day of monotonous work.

What’s good about a job with benefits is, that they pay you to take time off.

My idea of time off (when you aren’t sick of course) is to handle as many things as possible that have been stirring inside my mind for weeks. I don’t want to go to the beach or settle into the couch, I want action! I crave completion. 

There’s something so satisfying about a job once it’s been done. I find that in my line of work, the only reward of a job well done is more responsibility and the same paycheck. 

On any given day I’m making list after list, planning, organizing, cleaning and rehashing ideas in my head. I know I sounds like a type-A psychopath but the real problem is when someone like me has to be glued to a cubicle for 40 hours a week. I might as well sell my soul to the devil. 

It wasn’t until recently that I decided enough was enough, its was time to get back to work! 

I hired a career coach, the major problem with being invested in a career is being to afraid to leave. I’m getting to that point and I know that if I stay I’ll be absolutely miserable. So I took a day off. To get to work on making the most of my life. 

What I’ve come to realize, while I was so caught up in the next “proper” step, I wasn’t focused on my needs. I was too busy trying to get a job out of college I forgot that I could BE whatever I wanted. 

After I realized I was the only one I knew who handled life like a boss… I knew. It was time to be one.

So as I start my journey to the better career path, I hope my plight has served to show someone, anyone, that you don’t have to settle in life.

 It’s too short to stand still. You have to get up and do work! Whether it’s exercise, school, pushing for a promotion or just working on yourself or a relationship, it’s worth it. Hard work pays off. 


Why Cheaters Never Win

I’ve been through a few relationships in my short 27 years on this earth. Through those relationships I’ve learned personality traits in a mate I like and dislike and have learned to be a good partner and I’ve also learned what is not okay in a partner. 

The truth is when you enter into a relationship with another human you make a promise to be there for them. You are no longer a feather blowing in whichever direction the wind blows you, now you are part of a pair of wings. 

The reality of the world now is that divorce is pretty normal, cheating is pretty normal and monogamy isn’t the main stream news. The problem is now, men and women are so self centered and obsessed with their perfect mate that they don’t see that they are most of the problem. 

So many women say “I just can’t find a nice guy”. Here’s your reality check, you don’t want one and it takes one to know one… So chances are if you are saying you can’t find a nice guy, maybe you can’t, or maybe you are too busy trying to meet someone that checks all the superficial charectoristics off your list and “nice” isn’t actually a  real priority. 

I won’t say that I didn’t go through a similar process when I was in college. I had a total jerk off boyfriend who lived in Boston. The only reason it lasted as long as it did was because he was nice once every 10 encounters and I liked his family. For those of you who feel like this kind of behavior is normal and you learn to live with it, in retrospect I was severely unhappy. I lived with constant insults, back handed compliments and a lot of judgements on my friends and family. Those are the type of men that deserve a punch in the head. I wouldn’t condone cheating on them but I can see why someone in that position would have cheated, spite, insecurities and not getting the emotional needs met.

However, if I were to guess judging by the fact that he was married within a year of our final break up, his relationship was not just with me.  He probably knew he could get away with it and I would never know. I would like to say it pains me to know that he was probably cheating for a very long time but honestly it’s for the best that it didn’t work out and now I’m in the perfect loving relationship.

Now, the other side of the coin is when the woman cheats. She cheats for a much different reason than a man cheats and I truly believe that despite the fact that humans are prone to make mistakes, women are worse. I think women cheat on men in a much more calculated and dispicable manner. They want to get their needs met, maybe physically but mostly emotionally. A woman who cheats on her man cheats because he’s doing something that isn’t good enough. Some women don’t ever admit that they aren’t happy they believe that they are, they convince themselves but then if they were then they wouldn’t have a second thought.

I recently experienced a friend go down the road of betrayal not just to her husband but also to the family the friends and the union of the two of them. It didn’t hit me until I was faced with the fact that I knew, and he didn’t that I was stuck in a very ugly situation. Not only did she cheat but she lied. I suppose those go hand in hand. I know this isn’t the first time, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. I only question why a person needs a relationship or a marriage if they aren’t getting their needs met. If you aren’t happy with your partner and even have the slightest inclination to cheat… It’s time to go.

I think when men cheat they do it for the physical need and it has nothing to do with emotional needs. When women cheat, they are getting the emotional needs met and maybe the physical. They have to live a lie and eventually the lie becomes easy enough to carry that they can do it again. It’s as if the door was already opened they just walked out and came back in carrying a little more baggage than before but they manage it. 

I often wonder why you would want to feel so heavy all the time knowing how badly you have hurt someone? How can you look at them knowing what you have done? Does it hurt you at all? Do you sit at the edge of your seat knowing that at any moment they can find out? Do you bribe people not to tell? And was it worth it? 

Cheaters don’t win and I’ll tell you why… Because a clear conscious and a transparent life with your partner is easy and happy, and trust is the foundation of that. Without trust and without honesty your relationship means nothing and it won’t last. I hope that if you are on the fence and you are considering an alternative to your current relationship that you assess why and see if you want to go through the heartache that cheating  evokes, or if you need to fix something about yourself first. Either way, cheaters never win. 

Decor with honor

While I typically make projects based on up-cycling or refreshing old furniture the most recent I did had a little more meaning. The project consisted of 2 wooden planks, savaged from the bed frame which was my father’s. 

It sounds a little morbid when I say it but he loved to sleep. And he died in his sleep. It was a water bed, but the framing was beautiful and the wood was a dark stain probably oak. I wanted to use it to make something he would be proud of. 

I come from a short line of carpenters, my grandfather and for a short time my father.

Last Father’s Day I had planned to make a bench for the entry way of my childhood home which I had intended (at the time) on buying. Luckily I was too out of sorts to complete the project and as a result the wood remained in a pile for later use. 

This year I did it. It was 2 planks of wood and two iron square legs (purchased from etsy so I know someone made them with love). 

It took me 15 minutes to screw in the legs and it came out reminiscent of the pottery barn style bench associated with a farmhouse table, valued at $799. I made this with love and $80 plus shipping. 

This was by far the easiest and most satisfying project thus far. I put the wood together, placed the legs where I wanted them. I screwed I. The screws and flipped it over. 

I’d say IKEA furniture is harder to put together. 

This was the inspiration :

And this was my final project:

O think I nailed it. 

I’m planning to get a wood burner to burn in a memorial statement to him. 

Overall it was fun and I’m glad I finally honored him with a seat and a fabulous statement for my bedroom.

Office hours in heaven for Father’s Day.

So it’s been 2 years in July since my dad passed, unexpectedly. I have to say while I thought I would never feel whole again I feel a little less empty now than I did then.

I have always had a very distinctly different relationship with my father. He wasn’t your average guy. He was the most interesting man I know, mysterious and loving with a very grizzly exterior.

He lived through the 1960’s and worked hard all his life, he went to Woodstock and he loved a good joint. He was kind of a hippie but not the peace and love type. He often criticized the world and the state of the economy by saying “it’s only going to get worse”, he said that from 1999-2014 and pretty much he was right. 

He read the newspaper daily and never carried a cell phone, until my mom forced him to. He was extremely smart but he never let anyone know it, because he was smart enough to know that kind of knowledge came with expectation. He always flew very low on the expectation scale and came through with flying colors because he was quite the charmer. 

He took us out to dinner Sunday nights or a movie on a Sunday because he worked Monday- Saturday at his self employed company East Coast Van. I later found out that he owned part of this franchise and eventually took ownership of the entire company. They pimped out vans like they did back in the 60s. He was a brilliant business man. He loved money. Which may have contributed to his high stress life.

He was frugal and in light of this he prevailed through the crash of the stock market in the 80s, and then through the recession only to finally hit 62 and collect social security which was a welcomed relief to the years of uncertainty. 

He managed to support his mentally ill wife,(and me) paying for private insurance from the time they were married, to 2001 when my mom went back to work which was about 15 years. He paid for insurance for his drunken-addicted brother, his whole family and provided him vehicles and a job for more than 30 years.

 He took care of me, he didn’t want to pay for things, but he did, he drove me to Greek school every Saturday and always got me great birthday cards. He was a sentimentalist but no one knows that.

Sunday’s though we’re our day. He would wake up late and watch tv. I would get home from church with my mother in my Sunday dress and go straight to whatever outdoor project he was doing. I would help him rake leaves, pick up tools, hold the level and my favorite job…go get sodas. I spent years of Sunday’s following him around the yard, as he did things on his own. He was free from the wrath of my mother in the yard. 

We would work really hard all day, well mostly him while I picked flowers. We went off roading in the back woods to dump brush. We planted all the shrubs in the yard together. We built rock walls, well he did I watched… 

We took breaks together though. We patched the driveway and sealed it every August. He weed wacked the wild flowers and I yelled at him, but in retrospect they were really weeds. Then at the end of a long day in the yard we would go swimming. Just me and dad hangin out.
We would go to the lake when no one else was there cause I think my dad was a bit antisocial. He would bring his towel and wear his sneakers without socks and I would sit in the front seat (cause otherwise, I wasn’t allowed to). 

We would go see fireworks together. He would crack jokes at my expense and he kept me sharp. He didn’t like anyone’s company like he liked mine. We didn’t talk much… We just were together. When he spoke I listened. 

When I moved out of their house after college, he missed me. I’d come over to give him a hand and get bamboozled by my attention seeking mother, but he knew what I was there for.

We had the kind of relationship that was simple. I looked up to him and he was proud of me. He was the best man I’ve known. He could really do anything… And he was silly. He wasn’t perfect but he was my dad and if it were possible I’d be making an apointment in heaven today.

It’s not just people who suffer from mental illness… It’s the rest of us that suffer.

  Some days you are high and some days you are low, but just like in the movie BLOW with Johnny Depp… Life goes on. 

Unfortunately for folks suffering from mental illness their bystanders get the side effects. I’ve lived with an mentally ill mother my whole life. When she was up she was the happiest and most joyful angel and when she was down, the lights are out. 

Being an only child to a bipolar type one, schizo effective, borderline personality disordered parent makes you extremely aware of how people feel. I never bullied anyone, I was always “the nice” one. I always put people before myself. I always cared what people thought of me and I probably always will, because I was trained to care. 

If I wasn’t fully aware of the kind of day she was having I was immediately aware of the kind of day my father was having. He like most men kept all his feeling tightly wound up in an angry eruption that was set to go off at any and everything from the moment he stepped foot in the room to the moment he left. That was his way of dealing with her illness, he got angry. 

When he died, it made a lot of sense why in fact he was so angry. People with mental illness not only live in their own little world but they wrap you up in their problems. They keep you close and involved and if you question their intentions they turn on you like you are no one. All the while you have to keep your cool because YOU aren’t the sick one. 

I tend to think that people who are mentally ill or addicts get a free pass for bad behavior. They don’t have to pay the price for their failings because they are sick. It’s as though their affliction exempts them from being decent. I don’t agree. I tend think they are lucky in a way as well. They never have to face the reality of the world, the responsibility of adulthood or make amends for their sins. As if this weren’t unfair enough, then the people who are in the lives of these people get hurt wth no apologies.

The people who live with someone with mental illness suffer the worst because they truly never know the person they are with. Will they love me tomorrow? Will they keep their promises? Will they hurt themselves? The uncertainty of it all is stressful enough, but then when you think you’ve caught on to their pattern they do something that throws you for a loop and you start to question your own sanity. It’s like dealing with someone with dimensia or a degenerative illness, the perception is skewed or their body fails but you love them despite it all. Sometimes the sick say things without thinking and we get hurt by accident. Make no mistake though, sometimes the mentally ill intend to hurt you, the ones they love the most, but only if you let them. 

It’s not every day that you feel like the black sheep, sometimes they do things to make you feel great, like you made their life worth living. You get on their highs and they’ll drag you through their lows, but life must go on. Staying strong through the nonsense takes a lot of patience and a lot of lessons, but once you become resistant to the bullshit you are free. The best advice someone gave me once was be kind to yourself and don’t engage in their behavior. It works if you stay focused. 

Rain Rain GO AWAY!

What is it about the rain when you have nothing planned that makes you feel cozy? Why does the rain make us feel like we just can’t get out of bed… 

Is it the smell?Is it the sound on the roof or on the window sill? That humming white noise that eases our overburdened minds? Is it the simple fact that we are inside safely surrounded by walls and a roof? Or is it because we know that after the rain all that was grey becomes vibrant and refreshed?

Something about water has always made me feel something… It’s peaceful and yet uncertain. It’s calm and reflective buy also intolerant and destructive, and all the while it is a necessity for human life.

While I look at ice, oceans or streams I know that it won’t be that for long… And so dealing with a bipolar-borderline-personality-disordered mother is like looking at the ocean at 5 pm when the sun is almost set but the whole world is  vibrant and breathtaking. You can see the beauty and she will warm your soul up with color until the sun goes down and the wind picks up and suddenly you are in the dark…. Some days there’s light some days the waning glimmer of hope just isn’t enough… Some days the moonlight is intoxicating you can almost smell daylight and others there is no moon at all. She will make you feel like all is calm on the horizon and suddenly you are in the eye of the storm.

When you think you have fallen into a rutine and you know what days will be brighter than others the water doesn’t seem so special… It’s a subsequent result of how clear you can see it, feel it or need it. It’s as though you forget the beauty or the madness because it’s nature and it’s unpredictable… You will never know if it will rain on your wedding day.

We can’t say with certainty why we like the rain while we are in certain situations and why in others it can ruin everything, but one thing we can be sure of is Bipolar depression and borderline personality disorder never have a schedule… You must always carry your umbrella and possibly a paddle for your own sake..

Today is the day… Turning lemons into lemon zest!

So I’ve been bogged down with a lot of ugly responsibility for the last 2 years which has prevented me from figuring out what I want to be when I grow up..(yes I know I am grown up).

I can cross Disney princess off my list, but it doesn’t mean I can’t attend the royal ball! 

So I’ve been interested in a lot of things and also I’m pretty good at them, I’ve narrowed down my skills and I have a pretty solid plan. 

I have set some goals and now the research begins… Before I made my moves I have a lot of research and homework to do… 

Having an eye for beauty is hard because the world can be an ugly place, but now more than ever it’s the silver lining that will shine through.

When you embark on a mission to change something about yourself you go through a mental process consisting of:

  1. Do I like this?
  2. Will I be good at all parts of the process?
  3. Well maybe I should try and see…

So I did. I threw a party and I usually coordinate the events in my office but I coordinated a Jack and Jill and it couldn’t have gone smoother if I cloned myself and did the whole thing single handedly.

The theme was prohibition meets boardwalk empire meets the great gatsby, so shabby chic but with a rustic and classy flare.

So here are a few pictures to prove that any place can be beautiful if you devote enough planning. 

We expected rain but the decor didn’t suffer.

 I love this simple rustic chic look. 


The entry way was where you stopped to buy tickets and even that was decorated to fit the theme. “A little party never killed nobody” sign made by me, I also focused the photo of the bride and groom to the left as the main photo on the invitation.

  The focal point was the mantel with a collage made by one of the girls in the wedding party. The suitcase to the left was refurbished and created for cards and money to support the honeymoon fund!


  The polariod frame photobooth was made by the grooms mom to generate some fun photos, and was planned by me for a different location but because of the rain we improvised. 

This was my favorite part, I created a champagne bar, a gin station, wine station, beer to the far left and a signature cocktail. 

The layout was perfect it was functional and classy.

 I designed this with function in mind but wanted to designate the areas for asthetics. The centerpeice was made by myself, and the table runner was a rose gold sequence runner adding brightness and glamour. 

The stations were designated by gold framed labels, crafted to guide guests and specify the content.

The details were the most important. I wanted to keep it simple and classy.

One of the girls made a fabulous display of cupcakes to signify the bride the groom and the ring. The dessert table was loaded! The centerpeice was made by me with the gatsby flapper theme.

Events without themes are just gatherings, a theme brings everything together and creates a content flow. This was the utensil and cold food/ appetizer area. The centerpeice was designed by me.

We switched the cold foods with desert after dinner to save space and it worked out perfectly!

This was our raffle prize table. Simple white table clothes and balloons. I added two tall skinny cases with white sticks that lit up black and white, and feathers for just a little pizzazz!

We were on a budget but the decor wasn’t hurt by it, the centerpeices were hand made and fresh and fake flowers and votives made it feel cozy.

So this basically sums up the party. I planned it, I nailed it and now it’s time to figure out how to manage a business based on my talents and make lemons into zest! 

Where there’s a will there’s a way!

When the universe confirms you are doin okay… You listen.

It’s been a long road down the probate trail and by no means is it over, but the good news is, we are approaching completion.

The complex system of transferring assets according to laws and cooperating with people who only have their self interests in mind is exhausting. If ever there was a need for a plan it’s after death… I have never been busier trying to keep order to chaos.

In general life we are constantly seeking confirmation for our biases. One major item of confirmation bias is “am I doing the right thing”, we seek to justify the answer “yes” by carefully building our own case.  We look for clues and keep track of the reinforcing moments particularly in ambiguous ways. 

I got a fortune cookie that said, this too shall pass but did I care, no, I kept looking until I found the one that reinforced my beliefs…and yes I do think it’s telling to the present situation but, it nevertheless was used to appease my needs.  

Sometimes we need just a moment to tell ourselves that after all we’ve done and all the trials we were right, we won and we will prevail! Some of us seek that through telling others our story, and waiting for their response. However, there are a select few of us that just look for the answer within ourselves. 

We seem to reflect on our work and our present situation as we see fit. 

However every now and then we get honest reinforcement that we have been on the right track and we have to accept that answer. Sometimes we believe it’s from our angels and other times it’s from another source but when the universe speaks we must listen.

So whatever you hear, if it’s a yes or no… It’s an answer and you may pick and choose the ones you listen to but know that there is always truth in your path.

Mother’s Day for Daughters of Dysfunctional Mothering

To those women who have amazing relationships with their mothers you’re lucky, most of us daughters don’t.

Social media is flooded on Mother’s Day with all the blessings and joys of motherhood and the gifts of children to mothers full of crayons, glue and hearts….

I’m here to say this about Mother’s Day… Some mothers may have given birth but they are no mother. 

Not all mothers have earned the right to be called that. Some mothers aren’t supportive, helpful or loving. Some mothers like Joan Crawford are self obsessed, jealous, two faced women that portray themselves to others as mothering, and to their children as enemies.

“Mommie Dearest” may be one of the greatest films of a narcissists spin on alcoholic borderline personality disorder mother, ever made.  The conniving Joan Crawford is a wealthy actress who adopted a child for the publicity and in the eyes of her audience she can do no wrong. She portrays a kind hearted adoptive mother, who gives this child everything (fortune and fame), asking nothing but love in return. She carries on her days stinking drunk and cumpulsive with men in and out of her life and the kid in boarding school, until she goes broke. What’s a poor girl to do with nothing but talent and a need for attention, get married of course. Marriage number 4 and Joan Crawford finds no peace with the wealth of a general producer of Coca Cola… She runs the man into a death bed takes his money and proceeds to show herself in the light of the camera as a kind poor widow,and mother. Ohh the contradiction to the child bearing witness to it all… 

Why is this relevant? Well because the fact is, most women act one way in public and another way behind closed doors. Mothers scold their kids in public and spank them when no one is looking. This is taught to us by our mothers because they are taught by theirs and and without a formal lesson we do as well. We learn how to hide behind closed doors and we have our mothers to thank for that.

  The women called “mothers” doing their silent submissive games against their husbands (who may be our fathers or may be just their husbands) and plotting behind their backs in resentment and selfish needs have become the women that teach us the rules of life. Some of these women use things to get what they want, others use their looks or their status… But they have one thing in common, they manipulate. 

Who better to manipulate than the children who depend on them? The daughters are the target of any and all manipulation because they are unconditionally loving to these toxic women. The daughters see these vain and self loathing women and see a problem they want to fix with love. Ultimately the daughters end up disappointing themselves because those mothers don’t want to be fixed, and so guilt becomes the most prominent feature. Those mothers just want attention and glory and the guilt inlaid in their daughters for their shortfalls. Of course some one has to be to blame for their imperfections and it certainly isn’t Mothers fault… It must be the daughters.

These are the mothers who have a day dedicated to gloating on how hard it was for them to dedicate their life to another. These are the mothers that share this day with the mothers that give so much to their children and never compromise. How unjust to celebrate the good and the bad on the same day. The dysfunctional mother did the best and most honorable duty to raise a child, those women are remarkably quick to assume their job is done and reap the benefits of motherhood simply because the date is “Mother’s Day”. Meanwhile the mother who expected the daughter to be their crutch has no love for the child no matter the velocity of the gesture. “Thank you” isn’t in the cards for those daughters, only, guilt and never being good enough shines through their half hearted thanks.

To the daughters of the women who have mentally distorted the role of motherhood, you should know that it’s not you, it’s them. They need you to be weak so they can be strong. They need you to pity them and pick them up off the floor when they can’t handle reality. They need you. You don’t need them. If you are the daughter of a toxic mother… Happy Mother’s Day to you, for you have endured far more than child birth. You’re “at home” life is no just yours to bare and you don’t need to keep it a secret. You didn’t do anything wrong and you deserve to be loved. 

It’s hard to accept but mothers don’t always earn their title. It’s not a right, it’s earned. For daughters of women that are like Minnie dearest, you have a responsibility now, to break the cycle. So many women continue to be like their mothers, but don’t be like that. 

To the daughters who have bad relationships with their mothers, don’t hide behind the scenes as you have been taught to. Live freely because you will be criticized either way. Mothers and daughters should have great and Unified love and friendship but the reality is, some of us have mommy dearest…

Cheers to you daughters, you are the greatest gifts to those you love, even your undeserving mothers. Love them but love yourself more, you’ll be fine.


How stop being a “yes person”…

When you are taught to treat your neighbor as yourself, or treat others as you would like to be treated… You may forget that it’s a two way street. Some people will take all that you have to give and then ask for more. These people are soul suckers, and us people pleasers tend to gravitate towards these types because like ying and yang, we give they get… 

You must put a stop to this. If you don’t, you will suffer. You will be stressed and anxious and unhappy for no reason except that someone else’s issues or priorities have come before your own. 

 I have my own process of dealing with the people pleasing problem which has proven to be affective, and I hope this translates to others in the same scenario. 

1. Be a no person
This doesn’t mean say no for the sake of it, but be careful who you say yes to.  If you have a history of accepting tasks at work because you don’t want to let your boss down, or you don’t want to get fired…. You need to stop. You won’t get fired for not going further than anyone else, you’ll just become a doormat. 

As a woman, it’s hard to assert your authority or put your foot down because by nature we are caregivers. Not that all women have this trait but I think as a general rule we have an inbred ‘yes’ which we need to reassess. It’s not always going to get you ahead of the game or benefit your repertoire, it’s going to burn you out. 

2. Stop! Think! (And) Don’t answer so quickly… 

It’s ok to say “let me think about it”. In fact in this instant gratification world we live in, it’s better to stop and assess what the given task entails. Maybe you want to take it on, maybe you don’t, but you need to stop and think about the pros the cons and the reasons you have for doing whatever the task is. 

Do yourself and your time a favor and think about what you want. Does this serve your general goals? Do you like to do this thing you are being asked to do? Are you doing it for you or someone else? 

Just ask yourself why you should… And if the reason is because you want to or it will be good for learning or networking or something that ultimately is going to help you grow, do it…

If you can’t consider a good reason, save yourself some aggravation.

3. Voice your feelings, carefully.

Maybe someone asked you to bring something for a bake sale, and you hate baking, but you have a history of doing it anyway… Don’t do it again! 

Don’t say “I really hate baking” or make a petty excuse… Just say no you won’t be participating this time.

Tact is so important in this PC world, and God forbid you offend someone over something that means so little… Just be mindful that while something might not mean anything to you, it may mean something to the person you are declining to. 

If you don’t want to do it for don’t do it, but don’t hurt someone’s feelings over it.

4. Don’t say maybe… 

Nothing says yes more than maybe. 

If you can’t commit 100% don’t do it at all… The problem with saying maybe is that you open yourself up to a very gray area…

If you say maybe you will go to an event, that compromises the coordinators headcount. 

If you say maybe you will do something after work, you are making someone else work harder and someone else work less. 

Commitment is part of why people ask specific people to take on tasks. If you aren’t a commitment person, just say no. If you want to help that’s nice but don’t take on a role that requires more than just taking direction… You will stress yourself and anyone you are working with out!

5. If you don’t stand up for yourself no one else will.

You have to know your limits. Everyone has them. Some of us test them constantly. 

Do yourself a favor and just say no. Resist the urge to continue speaking my after being asked. Just say no. 

If no sounds too alarming for you, try this: “I am flattered that you thought of me for this, but I can’t commit to it, sorry.” 

This tells your audience you respect them, you are still a point person but you aren’t the one for the job this time. 

So…basically… say no and be strong and eat cake that we don’t make for someone else for once!   
Your time, your energy and your priorities are important, don’t let someone else dictate them because you do have a choice.