I tend to think that things happen in life with some sort of cause and effect… at least it helps to put things in order. It was May, and 91 degrees, in CT which isn’t completely unheard of but it was hotter than usual. I had left work to go to the dentist when the AC in my car broke. The good news is I had no cavities, the bad news was it was 91 degrees and the AC in my car died.
I had planned to go to the lake after the appointment, mainly to cool off, but also because I’d been reading a great book and I had some soul searching to do.
The scene was literally me, the lake, and the cars going by. No one was there. It was perfect! Hot, but perfect!
I set up my chair, took off my flip flops and read for a while. I felt like my body was tense and so I got up and moved around a bit. I stretched, and lengthened thinking I needed a bit of yoga to get my body to feel like I was relaxing. It’s funny when you sit quietly, the things that pop up. I’d always felt a weird sensation of big brother watching after my dad died. It wasn’t all the time, but I definetly had moments when I just knew he was present. It’s a hard concept for some to understand. I believe in my gut. It usually keeps me out of trouble and I’d like to think it’s where my conscious lives.
So anyway, I am pondering life. Great thoughts, great people. How did the world get so complex? Did we really need to have so many restrictions? Alternatively how did people know when we needed to set the rules? The real question I was trying to figure out is, what do I want. How easy a question to ask… but so difficult to answer.
I decided it was time to ask specific questions. Do I start my own business, dive into a life of pure happy-stressed-chaos? Or- go back to school and become something responsible and ordinary. It’s hard to accept that I might just be normal. I don’t find myself to be that normal, but I’m no Galileo either… so I sit and thought and looked around. I noticed the water. I noticed the clouds. I saw a little girl and her mom come down to go swimming, which didn’t last long. I noticed myself, my feelings, and all the things they tell you to notice when you are in yoga or in a guided meditation. I felt hot. That’s all. Just hot.
So maybe I had a bit of heat exhaustion. Maybe the days had finally caught up to me, I was about to be done with a 3 year project and so obviously the closure was great! However maybe the closure was sad, maybe the end of the process meant I’d need to face the reality of what life was now. Or maybe it was the fact that the obligations poured in with no true satisfaction of a job well done….
Either way, I was finally relaxing. I was thinking how lucky I am to have health, to be young… and yet where should I go…
It was 2 hours of sitting on a beach next to the lake when I decided it was time to go back. So I packed up.
I didn’t bring much with me, a book, a towel, my phone, keys, water, and a chair. So it was then, I realized, one of my flip flops had gone missing.
I didn’t leave?
No one was there?
Did I need to learn something?
Was it just a coincidence?
Well… it was gone. I took this to mean, If I went into business, I’d be giving up a valuable peice of the puzzle. Also I had to walk back on the black top with one flip flop…. no I was in no way intoxicated…
I searched the lake shore, looked around the corner out into the distance and nothing. To be extremely clear it was a plastic / rubber / cheap but floatable material. I also wasn’t convinced that it floated away… it wasn’t in the water! So I realized it was gone. I left, defeated, thinking the leprechaun of the lake or my dad had pulled a fast one on me…
I told the story to several people, and no one knew what to make of it but said they would keep an eye out for it….
June 11th, one month from the 3 year anniversary from my dad’s death, after finishing the probate documents 100%, we went to the lake. Myself, my aunt, uncle and Joe, and there it was. Someone found it, and put it atop the wooden barrier. Either way, I knew, I found the answer I was looking for…
Moral of the story, pay attention and keep your shit together!