I’ve been through a few relationships in my short 27 years on this earth. Through those relationships I’ve learned personality traits in a mate I like and dislike and have learned to be a good partner and I’ve also learned what is not okay in a partner.
The truth is when you enter into a relationship with another human you make a promise to be there for them. You are no longer a feather blowing in whichever direction the wind blows you, now you are part of a pair of wings.
The reality of the world now is that divorce is pretty normal, cheating is pretty normal and monogamy isn’t the main stream news. The problem is now, men and women are so self centered and obsessed with their perfect mate that they don’t see that they are most of the problem.
So many women say “I just can’t find a nice guy”. Here’s your reality check, you don’t want one and it takes one to know one… So chances are if you are saying you can’t find a nice guy, maybe you can’t, or maybe you are too busy trying to meet someone that checks all the superficial charectoristics off your list and “nice” isn’t actually a real priority.
I won’t say that I didn’t go through a similar process when I was in college. I had a total jerk off boyfriend who lived in Boston. The only reason it lasted as long as it did was because he was nice once every 10 encounters and I liked his family. For those of you who feel like this kind of behavior is normal and you learn to live with it, in retrospect I was severely unhappy. I lived with constant insults, back handed compliments and a lot of judgements on my friends and family. Those are the type of men that deserve a punch in the head. I wouldn’t condone cheating on them but I can see why someone in that position would have cheated, spite, insecurities and not getting the emotional needs met.
However, if I were to guess judging by the fact that he was married within a year of our final break up, his relationship was not just with me. He probably knew he could get away with it and I would never know. I would like to say it pains me to know that he was probably cheating for a very long time but honestly it’s for the best that it didn’t work out and now I’m in the perfect loving relationship.
Now, the other side of the coin is when the woman cheats. She cheats for a much different reason than a man cheats and I truly believe that despite the fact that humans are prone to make mistakes, women are worse. I think women cheat on men in a much more calculated and dispicable manner. They want to get their needs met, maybe physically but mostly emotionally. A woman who cheats on her man cheats because he’s doing something that isn’t good enough. Some women don’t ever admit that they aren’t happy they believe that they are, they convince themselves but then if they were then they wouldn’t have a second thought.
I recently experienced a friend go down the road of betrayal not just to her husband but also to the family the friends and the union of the two of them. It didn’t hit me until I was faced with the fact that I knew, and he didn’t that I was stuck in a very ugly situation. Not only did she cheat but she lied. I suppose those go hand in hand. I know this isn’t the first time, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. I only question why a person needs a relationship or a marriage if they aren’t getting their needs met. If you aren’t happy with your partner and even have the slightest inclination to cheat… It’s time to go.
I think when men cheat they do it for the physical need and it has nothing to do with emotional needs. When women cheat, they are getting the emotional needs met and maybe the physical. They have to live a lie and eventually the lie becomes easy enough to carry that they can do it again. It’s as if the door was already opened they just walked out and came back in carrying a little more baggage than before but they manage it.
I often wonder why you would want to feel so heavy all the time knowing how badly you have hurt someone? How can you look at them knowing what you have done? Does it hurt you at all? Do you sit at the edge of your seat knowing that at any moment they can find out? Do you bribe people not to tell? And was it worth it?
Cheaters don’t win and I’ll tell you why… Because a clear conscious and a transparent life with your partner is easy and happy, and trust is the foundation of that. Without trust and without honesty your relationship means nothing and it won’t last. I hope that if you are on the fence and you are considering an alternative to your current relationship that you assess why and see if you want to go through the heartache that cheating evokes, or if you need to fix something about yourself first. Either way, cheaters never win.