Social media is flooded on Mother’s Day with all the blessings and joys of motherhood and the gifts of children to mothers full of crayons, glue and hearts….
I’m here to say this about Mother’s Day… Some mothers may have given birth but they are no mother.
Not all mothers have earned the right to be called that. Some mothers aren’t supportive, helpful or loving. Some mothers like Joan Crawford are self obsessed, jealous, two faced women that portray themselves to others as mothering, and to their children as enemies.
“Mommie Dearest” may be one of the greatest films of a narcissists spin on alcoholic borderline personality disorder mother, ever made. The conniving Joan Crawford is a wealthy actress who adopted a child for the publicity and in the eyes of her audience she can do no wrong. She portrays a kind hearted adoptive mother, who gives this child everything (fortune and fame), asking nothing but love in return. She carries on her days stinking drunk and cumpulsive with men in and out of her life and the kid in boarding school, until she goes broke. What’s a poor girl to do with nothing but talent and a need for attention, get married of course. Marriage number 4 and Joan Crawford finds no peace with the wealth of a general producer of Coca Cola… She runs the man into a death bed takes his money and proceeds to show herself in the light of the camera as a kind poor widow,and mother. Ohh the contradiction to the child bearing witness to it all…
Why is this relevant? Well because the fact is, most women act one way in public and another way behind closed doors. Mothers scold their kids in public and spank them when no one is looking. This is taught to us by our mothers because they are taught by theirs and and without a formal lesson we do as well. We learn how to hide behind closed doors and we have our mothers to thank for that.
The women called “mothers” doing their silent submissive games against their husbands (who may be our fathers or may be just their husbands) and plotting behind their backs in resentment and selfish needs have become the women that teach us the rules of life. Some of these women use things to get what they want, others use their looks or their status… But they have one thing in common, they manipulate.
Who better to manipulate than the children who depend on them? The daughters are the target of any and all manipulation because they are unconditionally loving to these toxic women. The daughters see these vain and self loathing women and see a problem they want to fix with love. Ultimately the daughters end up disappointing themselves because those mothers don’t want to be fixed, and so guilt becomes the most prominent feature. Those mothers just want attention and glory and the guilt inlaid in their daughters for their shortfalls. Of course some one has to be to blame for their imperfections and it certainly isn’t Mothers fault… It must be the daughters.
These are the mothers who have a day dedicated to gloating on how hard it was for them to dedicate their life to another. These are the mothers that share this day with the mothers that give so much to their children and never compromise. How unjust to celebrate the good and the bad on the same day. The dysfunctional mother did the best and most honorable duty to raise a child, those women are remarkably quick to assume their job is done and reap the benefits of motherhood simply because the date is “Mother’s Day”. Meanwhile the mother who expected the daughter to be their crutch has no love for the child no matter the velocity of the gesture. “Thank you” isn’t in the cards for those daughters, only, guilt and never being good enough shines through their half hearted thanks.
To the daughters of the women who have mentally distorted the role of motherhood, you should know that it’s not you, it’s them. They need you to be weak so they can be strong. They need you to pity them and pick them up off the floor when they can’t handle reality. They need you. You don’t need them. If you are the daughter of a toxic mother… Happy Mother’s Day to you, for you have endured far more than child birth. You’re “at home” life is no just yours to bare and you don’t need to keep it a secret. You didn’t do anything wrong and you deserve to be loved.
It’s hard to accept but mothers don’t always earn their title. It’s not a right, it’s earned. For daughters of women that are like Minnie dearest, you have a responsibility now, to break the cycle. So many women continue to be like their mothers, but don’t be like that.
To the daughters who have bad relationships with their mothers, don’t hide behind the scenes as you have been taught to. Live freely because you will be criticized either way. Mothers and daughters should have great and Unified love and friendship but the reality is, some of us have mommy dearest…