Today is the day… Turning lemons into lemon zest!

So I’ve been bogged down with a lot of ugly responsibility for the last 2 years which has prevented me from figuring out what I want to be when I grow up..(yes I know I am grown up).

I can cross Disney princess off my list, but it doesn’t mean I can’t attend the royal ball! 

So I’ve been interested in a lot of things and also I’m pretty good at them, I’ve narrowed down my skills and I have a pretty solid plan. 

I have set some goals and now the research begins… Before I made my moves I have a lot of research and homework to do… 

Having an eye for beauty is hard because the world can be an ugly place, but now more than ever it’s the silver lining that will shine through.

When you embark on a mission to change something about yourself you go through a mental process consisting of:

  1. Do I like this?
  2. Will I be good at all parts of the process?
  3. Well maybe I should try and see…

So I did. I threw a party and I usually coordinate the events in my office but I coordinated a Jack and Jill and it couldn’t have gone smoother if I cloned myself and did the whole thing single handedly.

The theme was prohibition meets boardwalk empire meets the great gatsby, so shabby chic but with a rustic and classy flare.

So here are a few pictures to prove that any place can be beautiful if you devote enough planning. 

   
We expected rain but the decor didn’t suffer.

 I love this simple rustic chic look. 

   

 
The entry way was where you stopped to buy tickets and even that was decorated to fit the theme. “A little party never killed nobody” sign made by me, I also focused the photo of the bride and groom to the left as the main photo on the invitation.

  The focal point was the mantel with a collage made by one of the girls in the wedding party. The suitcase to the left was refurbished and created for cards and money to support the honeymoon fund!

  

  The polariod frame photobooth was made by the grooms mom to generate some fun photos, and was planned by me for a different location but because of the rain we improvised. 

  
This was my favorite part, I created a champagne bar, a gin station, wine station, beer to the far left and a signature cocktail. 

The layout was perfect it was functional and classy.

 I designed this with function in mind but wanted to designate the areas for asthetics. The centerpeice was made by myself, and the table runner was a rose gold sequence runner adding brightness and glamour. 

  
The stations were designated by gold framed labels, crafted to guide guests and specify the content.

  
The details were the most important. I wanted to keep it simple and classy.

  
One of the girls made a fabulous display of cupcakes to signify the bride the groom and the ring. The dessert table was loaded! The centerpeice was made by me with the gatsby flapper theme.

  
Events without themes are just gatherings, a theme brings everything together and creates a content flow. This was the utensil and cold food/ appetizer area. The centerpeice was designed by me.

  
We switched the cold foods with desert after dinner to save space and it worked out perfectly!

  
This was our raffle prize table. Simple white table clothes and balloons. I added two tall skinny cases with white sticks that lit up black and white, and feathers for just a little pizzazz!

  
We were on a budget but the decor wasn’t hurt by it, the centerpeices were hand made and fresh and fake flowers and votives made it feel cozy.

So this basically sums up the party. I planned it, I nailed it and now it’s time to figure out how to manage a business based on my talents and make lemons into zest! 

Where there’s a will there’s a way!

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When the universe confirms you are doin okay… You listen.

  
It’s been a long road down the probate trail and by no means is it over, but the good news is, we are approaching completion.

The complex system of transferring assets according to laws and cooperating with people who only have their self interests in mind is exhausting. If ever there was a need for a plan it’s after death… I have never been busier trying to keep order to chaos.

In general life we are constantly seeking confirmation for our biases. One major item of confirmation bias is “am I doing the right thing”, we seek to justify the answer “yes” by carefully building our own case.  We look for clues and keep track of the reinforcing moments particularly in ambiguous ways. 

I got a fortune cookie that said, this too shall pass but did I care, no, I kept looking until I found the one that reinforced my beliefs…and yes I do think it’s telling to the present situation but, it nevertheless was used to appease my needs.  

Sometimes we need just a moment to tell ourselves that after all we’ve done and all the trials we were right, we won and we will prevail! Some of us seek that through telling others our story, and waiting for their response. However, there are a select few of us that just look for the answer within ourselves. 

We seem to reflect on our work and our present situation as we see fit. 

However every now and then we get honest reinforcement that we have been on the right track and we have to accept that answer. Sometimes we believe it’s from our angels and other times it’s from another source but when the universe speaks we must listen.

So whatever you hear, if it’s a yes or no… It’s an answer and you may pick and choose the ones you listen to but know that there is always truth in your path.


Center on Pieces

The planning is underway for the Jack and Jill of my dear friend Jessica and her fiancé Brandon. I’ve been dazzling and crafting to make the perfect decor for their event. It’s a 1920s prohibition, rustic underground party. Aka fabulous with some burlap and glitter.

These are just a few of  the ideas, we have spinning around.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Mother’s Day for Daughters of Dysfunctional Mothering

  
To those women who have amazing relationships with their mothers you’re lucky, most of us daughters don’t.

Social media is flooded on Mother’s Day with all the blessings and joys of motherhood and the gifts of children to mothers full of crayons, glue and hearts….

I’m here to say this about Mother’s Day… Some mothers may have given birth but they are no mother. 

Not all mothers have earned the right to be called that. Some mothers aren’t supportive, helpful or loving. Some mothers like Joan Crawford are self obsessed, jealous, two faced women that portray themselves to others as mothering, and to their children as enemies.

“Mommie Dearest” may be one of the greatest films of a narcissists spin on alcoholic borderline personality disorder mother, ever made.  The conniving Joan Crawford is a wealthy actress who adopted a child for the publicity and in the eyes of her audience she can do no wrong. She portrays a kind hearted adoptive mother, who gives this child everything (fortune and fame), asking nothing but love in return. She carries on her days stinking drunk and cumpulsive with men in and out of her life and the kid in boarding school, until she goes broke. What’s a poor girl to do with nothing but talent and a need for attention, get married of course. Marriage number 4 and Joan Crawford finds no peace with the wealth of a general producer of Coca Cola… She runs the man into a death bed takes his money and proceeds to show herself in the light of the camera as a kind poor widow,and mother. Ohh the contradiction to the child bearing witness to it all… 

Why is this relevant? Well because the fact is, most women act one way in public and another way behind closed doors. Mothers scold their kids in public and spank them when no one is looking. This is taught to us by our mothers because they are taught by theirs and and without a formal lesson we do as well. We learn how to hide behind closed doors and we have our mothers to thank for that.

  The women called “mothers” doing their silent submissive games against their husbands (who may be our fathers or may be just their husbands) and plotting behind their backs in resentment and selfish needs have become the women that teach us the rules of life. Some of these women use things to get what they want, others use their looks or their status… But they have one thing in common, they manipulate. 

Who better to manipulate than the children who depend on them? The daughters are the target of any and all manipulation because they are unconditionally loving to these toxic women. The daughters see these vain and self loathing women and see a problem they want to fix with love. Ultimately the daughters end up disappointing themselves because those mothers don’t want to be fixed, and so guilt becomes the most prominent feature. Those mothers just want attention and glory and the guilt inlaid in their daughters for their shortfalls. Of course some one has to be to blame for their imperfections and it certainly isn’t Mothers fault… It must be the daughters.

These are the mothers who have a day dedicated to gloating on how hard it was for them to dedicate their life to another. These are the mothers that share this day with the mothers that give so much to their children and never compromise. How unjust to celebrate the good and the bad on the same day. The dysfunctional mother did the best and most honorable duty to raise a child, those women are remarkably quick to assume their job is done and reap the benefits of motherhood simply because the date is “Mother’s Day”. Meanwhile the mother who expected the daughter to be their crutch has no love for the child no matter the velocity of the gesture. “Thank you” isn’t in the cards for those daughters, only, guilt and never being good enough shines through their half hearted thanks.

To the daughters of the women who have mentally distorted the role of motherhood, you should know that it’s not you, it’s them. They need you to be weak so they can be strong. They need you to pity them and pick them up off the floor when they can’t handle reality. They need you. You don’t need them. If you are the daughter of a toxic mother… Happy Mother’s Day to you, for you have endured far more than child birth. You’re “at home” life is no just yours to bare and you don’t need to keep it a secret. You didn’t do anything wrong and you deserve to be loved. 

It’s hard to accept but mothers don’t always earn their title. It’s not a right, it’s earned. For daughters of women that are like Minnie dearest, you have a responsibility now, to break the cycle. So many women continue to be like their mothers, but don’t be like that. 

To the daughters who have bad relationships with their mothers, don’t hide behind the scenes as you have been taught to. Live freely because you will be criticized either way. Mothers and daughters should have great and Unified love and friendship but the reality is, some of us have mommy dearest…

   
Cheers to you daughters, you are the greatest gifts to those you love, even your undeserving mothers. Love them but love yourself more, you’ll be fine.

 


How stop being a “yes person”…

  
When you are taught to treat your neighbor as yourself, or treat others as you would like to be treated… You may forget that it’s a two way street. Some people will take all that you have to give and then ask for more. These people are soul suckers, and us people pleasers tend to gravitate towards these types because like ying and yang, we give they get… 

You must put a stop to this. If you don’t, you will suffer. You will be stressed and anxious and unhappy for no reason except that someone else’s issues or priorities have come before your own. 

 I have my own process of dealing with the people pleasing problem which has proven to be affective, and I hope this translates to others in the same scenario. 

1. Be a no person
This doesn’t mean say no for the sake of it, but be careful who you say yes to.  If you have a history of accepting tasks at work because you don’t want to let your boss down, or you don’t want to get fired…. You need to stop. You won’t get fired for not going further than anyone else, you’ll just become a doormat. 

As a woman, it’s hard to assert your authority or put your foot down because by nature we are caregivers. Not that all women have this trait but I think as a general rule we have an inbred ‘yes’ which we need to reassess. It’s not always going to get you ahead of the game or benefit your repertoire, it’s going to burn you out. 

2. Stop! Think! (And) Don’t answer so quickly… 

It’s ok to say “let me think about it”. In fact in this instant gratification world we live in, it’s better to stop and assess what the given task entails. Maybe you want to take it on, maybe you don’t, but you need to stop and think about the pros the cons and the reasons you have for doing whatever the task is. 

Do yourself and your time a favor and think about what you want. Does this serve your general goals? Do you like to do this thing you are being asked to do? Are you doing it for you or someone else? 

Just ask yourself why you should… And if the reason is because you want to or it will be good for learning or networking or something that ultimately is going to help you grow, do it…

If you can’t consider a good reason, save yourself some aggravation.

3. Voice your feelings, carefully.

Maybe someone asked you to bring something for a bake sale, and you hate baking, but you have a history of doing it anyway… Don’t do it again! 

Don’t say “I really hate baking” or make a petty excuse… Just say no you won’t be participating this time.

Tact is so important in this PC world, and God forbid you offend someone over something that means so little… Just be mindful that while something might not mean anything to you, it may mean something to the person you are declining to. 

If you don’t want to do it for don’t do it, but don’t hurt someone’s feelings over it.

4. Don’t say maybe… 

Nothing says yes more than maybe. 

If you can’t commit 100% don’t do it at all… The problem with saying maybe is that you open yourself up to a very gray area…

If you say maybe you will go to an event, that compromises the coordinators headcount. 

If you say maybe you will do something after work, you are making someone else work harder and someone else work less. 

Commitment is part of why people ask specific people to take on tasks. If you aren’t a commitment person, just say no. If you want to help that’s nice but don’t take on a role that requires more than just taking direction… You will stress yourself and anyone you are working with out!

5. If you don’t stand up for yourself no one else will.

You have to know your limits. Everyone has them. Some of us test them constantly. 

Do yourself a favor and just say no. Resist the urge to continue speaking my after being asked. Just say no. 

If no sounds too alarming for you, try this: “I am flattered that you thought of me for this, but I can’t commit to it, sorry.” 

This tells your audience you respect them, you are still a point person but you aren’t the one for the job this time. 

So…basically… say no and be strong and eat cake that we don’t make for someone else for once!   
Your time, your energy and your priorities are important, don’t let someone else dictate them because you do have a choice.